Monday, December 28, 2009

Tiny Tidbits | Interview of an imaginary politician

This neta is a bit of all netas and netis rolled into one. Shikasladlal Khot: Khot maange vote. Party symbol: A beggar's katora with gold coins. Hmm... Ask him the reason for the 'unique' party symbol and he says, "Well, you see, it's all symbolic. The beggar's katora is India, which is still a 3rd world poor nation. I want to fill it with gold coins." But, we hear Maangelal has been a beggar and drug peddler in the past, thus the name Maangelal and the katora. And then, more by crook than hook, he rose from rags to riches after becoming a politician, earning him the name Khot and all the gold coins he has in his coffers now.

Starting the interview, the latest in the news is Telangana being split from Andhra Pradesh. There is going to be a longer list - Vidharbh, Gorkhaland, Mayawatiland, Jammu, Kashmir... Why break up India into pieces?
We are not breaking India into pieces. Our aim is to be as great as the Superpower America. Now, America has 50 states and that is what we want to achieve with India too. And we have consulted educationists about this. They feel Indian kids know very little about the motherland. This is an attempt to make them know more. Now they will know more places and capitals in the country.

But many politicians are indulging in divisive politics. They want to create a rift between Hindus-Muslims, Maharashtrians-North Indians...
We are only trying to make things easier. See, if people stay on in their respective states, they won't have to learn a new language. There would be no need for boards like ICSE, CBSE... It will be good for the students. And they have to take so much trouble to relocate, move away from their families. Our Indian culture teaches strong family bonds and values. We are only trying to safeguard that.

Some MPs are going on hunger strike to keep the states from splitting. What about them?
This is off the record - they have been advised by the doctors to shed weight. Some have eaten so much from the public funds that they suffer from monetary dysentary. So, this is ek teer se do nishaan. Next question please.

Another controversy is the sub-standard bulletproof jackets that claimed the lives of three officers during the Bombay terrorist attack.
*Sobs* They took the bullets that was meant for us. Those bulletproof jackets belonged to us politicians. But out of the goodness of our heart and for the benefit of our people, we gave away our own jackets so that the officers could fight the terrorists. Little did we know that the jackets were faulty. Yeh opposition party ka shadayantra hai humare khilaaf.

What about the rising prices of commodities? Everything is so expensive and the public is angry because the govt. cannot control the inflation.
Nahi, nahi, aisa nahi hai. Public humare iraadon ko samjhi nahi hai. We are only trying to teach them the value of savings and encourage them to save. See, if everything comes cheap, they will spend mindlessly whether they need the thing or not. Whereas, if everything becomes expensive, they will obviously not spend and thus save a lot of money. This is also our way of discouraging commercialism.

So when is your 196th statue being erected?
Very soon. *Grins*. My youngest buffalo will bear a young one soon. Usi ki khushi mein ek naya putla humara banega.

And, all this will be on public funds?
Public ka paisa aur humara paisa alag thodi hai? Jab hum public ke hain, public humari hai toh kaisa bhaid bhaav? Aur hum bhi toh public hi hain. Jo public ka hai woh humara hai, jo humara hai woh bhi humara hai.
Alec Smart Said: After this the neta had to take a leave. The blue prints for a new road named after him had to be approved and he had a party with the BollyWood Stars.