Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Thy shall be a Kashmiri...

Just when the weather started to get a little hot, I came up with this hot post. This post is about a series of funny incidents that Kashmiris have experienced during their life-time. It indicates the level of intelligence of some of our brethren which in turn will tell you a little about yourself (that is if you are a Kashmiri).

My first report will be about an incident in Kulgam. When (somehow) the J&K Bank guys introduced ATM’s all across Kashmir, the people tried hard to figure out how to operate the ‘latest’ machines. The first few months were saturated with complaints about ATM cards being stuck in the card slots as the common Kashmiri didn’t know which the ‘right side in’ was. So naturally the card refused to come out which meant the manager to rush out of his cozy little office. This means that the manager and the card had an inverse relationship with one another. While one used to come out, the other would be stuck.

Ok!! Now read this:

A very intelligent Kashmiri was given the ATM card. He thought that a card which was so useful and delicate will get spoiled by the atmosphere. Maybe he should protect it, but how? So he swiftly ran to a stationery shop and got his ‘prized possession’ laminated. You can call it stupidity or foolishness or any other word which you like, but I will refer to it as Koshurness. (Please don’t try this at home).

Upon seeing a fellow Kashmiri blog hosting pictures of the wazawan (The sakooter, you can find it on my blog-roll) I thought of introducing some pictures into my own blog. After all, pictures of wazawan and the ‘Kashmiri foolishness’ will better suit a much cooler blog; my blog

The Pictures…..

Featuring: The creepy CRPF guys (Ze-zentral-rezerve-poliz-forze)
Venue: Near Bakhzhi ztadium
Time: Any time

These two pictures (somewhere up there) show a very common scene at Haft-Chinar near the ‘Bakshi Stadium’.
The Crpf guys don’t let normal traffic to pass through that intersection which connects Haft-chinar and Main-Chowk Jawahar nagar. The poor people then have to go round and round around their surroundings (I really found that). One of the picture shows a traffic-jam in the background. It just shows that the Crpf are not ‘Awaam ke muhafiz’ but ‘Apney aap ke muhafiz’

That was enough anti-Crpf , now lets do some anti-Greater Kashmir.

Sometimes I decide that I will wage a war against the ‘Greater Kashmir’ newspaper. It really gets on my nerves. Whenever I write a letter to the editor after finding those (many) faults in the paper and e-mail it to them, all I get is my time wasted. I don’t even get a reply stating that the error has been acknowledged and ‘thank you for that’, leave alone my letter coming in print. Now I have stopped doing that and have preserved them for a special post called ‘Anti-Greater-Kashmir’.

Consider this:
The ‘GK’ guys give a Sunday Supplement Paper called as ‘GK Plus’.

Yes, just as ‘C’ language got modified to ‘C++’; the errors of ‘GK’ get modified to ‘GK plus’.
In an article about mobile phones, on May………there was paragraph which had the words: “… [Citation Needed]…” This word is the part of the vocabulary which ‘Wikipedia’ uses in those articles which have not been verified properly.(You can verify it by checking some of the articles in there).
But just look at those copy-cats which claim to be the number 1, they can’t even copy properly. It can even be the case that the author thought that it was also a part of the article which would only show the ‘Dakhl duin’ on his part. (‘Dakhl duin’ means to try to poke ones nose in others’ businesses).

I agree that all points (like technical ones) won’t be revealed to them by a super-natural power and they have to consult references and books. But that doesn’t mean you have to copy it word-by-word (because that would make you a photo-stat-machine, heh heh)

This was the letter that I wrote to the editor:

“I went through the article in GKPLUS 'From pigeon way to sms mode' by
Arshi Javaid and I was very dissapointed to see that.

In the third last paragraph there is a mention of 'citation needed'
which is a typical word used in WIKIPEDIA (which is an online

Unfortunately your high quality newspaper lets such copy-cat rubbish
easily pass through which can harm the quality of your paper. Please
dont let it happen again.”
(Courtesy: My Gmail sent items option)

I even have a picture of that article:

Ok forget about it
Well, I just remembered a funny incident. It will be a little out of place here but it’s too funny to be ignored. Just a few months back when we were in Delhi for my check-up, we decided to pay a visit to Khwaga Gareeb Nawaz (Ajmer’s Shrine). We booked the tickets for Shatabhdhi express and waited for the train to arrive. In the meantime we started exploring the railway station and occasionally stopped at news-stands to have a peek at the morning papers. We found our rendezewous (What a Kashmiri spelling)-point (with the train, that is) and kept our luggage there. After having grown very tired by the early morning investigation we now looked for a place to rest. We saw a bench upon which a ‘meem’---(Kashmiri word for an English Lady) was seated. She had her arm in plaster and another arm busy in combing her hair. She saw my tired mom and offered her seat to mom. Hmm, Ok! So I believe that these people are very polished when it comes to the description of their manners. Thank you for that. Now just imagine a Kashmiri in place of that ‘meem’. Ahmm, Ahmm.

Ok! One day we were having our lunch at a restaurant-cum-dhaba-cum-hotel at Ajmer. Suddenly two Iranian looking people entered and sat at a table just next to our table. I was alone at the table waiting for lunch to be served while the others had gone to savour ice-creams. (I can eat them but I can’t eat them cold). Meanwhile those two ‘Iranian looking’ people ordered something. Well, it’s too funny. Let me tell you about their way of dressing. The male wore a bright red jacket (In Kashmir it is called a coat, elsewhere it’s always a jacket, got it?) on top of a very good jeans. The collar button (as expected) was closed. (even though the thermometer screamed 29 degree Celsius).]

When the others joined, I quietly questioned them regarding what they thought about those’ Iranian looking’ people. I got 80% of the answers as ‘From Kashmir’. Well, I started talking loudly in Kashmiri and I noticed, so too my cousin, that they both looked towards me, then looked towards each other. The ‘Kashmiri status’ was verified. It got verified to a much bigger extent when I heard one of them say ‘THAV’ after the other was pouring coke in his glass ( ‘thav’ means ‘its sufficient’ in Kashmiri). Now my Kashmiri gene started to get going. I resumed talking loudly in Kashmiri and I said all that which, after knowing that they were Kashmiris, shouldn’t have been said.

“Ye jamaat ma haz wechev, bata khewaan che goggle lageth, yethis garmas manz chukh coat logmut, yeczh harkat heki akh koshury kareth”

My folks began to giggle and chuckle.
Then we all returned to normal and started having their lunch…….

It is now become a family custom to mention about this incident in funny talks.


Actually it has become a big post already, so I leave the good stuff right here.

REQUEST: All the Orkut users can now join a community called the Eldin Bleze community. Help and expand this jewel of Kashmir. Let the tradition of Mr. Mir Bashir and his creation ‘Pinta’ continue….continue.