Best of all...



In a guttural voice of his, a voice worth hearing…

A voice which Pinta keenly wants to imititate…

The voice of Mr. Bashir Mir ( Or Mir Bashir, whatever the case maybe ).

This Post is a collection of just some incidents (which I wish to forget but they are too important) featuring “the voice”.

Pinta loves Eldin Bleze…

The dialogues..

Pinta finds him amusing…

Some find him clever…

Others regard him as the only teacher..

Some say he uses abusive language…

Others say he knows the way of proper teaching…

Still others regard him as a comedian …

And

I

Like

Him

Because

I

Have

A

Blog

Running

Under

His

Name…

What if he copyrights the name…

Then who will have the right to copy his personality…

Anyways

“ A teacher teaches,

A good teacher explains,

A best teacher guides….”

]

“Is baag ki shaaqh pe ulu bethey hain…

batao andaz-e-gulistaan kya hoga…”

The room in which he teaches us has a khatam-band ceiling (carved walnut wood)…

At one end lies a glass slab painted white on the other side..

Our class (Mamoon’s 12th) is meant to start at 7.30 in the morning…

which means people like me who stay far far away from karan nagar must leave their houses at 7.00 when the sky is still dark and the atmosphere is filled with “Dua-e-subah” and “Aurad-e-fathiya”…

I go there in our car..

Several people stop to stare at us as we break the mach speed in order to reach there in time..

Stop.

I cautiously get off the car with a kangri in my hand, give it back to the person who drives (sometimes Pa, sometimes our driver)..

I make my way to the place..

.

The place of the huge gathering

Yes!!

A huge gathering..

One door…

All waiting for it to open…

The countdown begins..

10

.

9

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8.

.

7

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6

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5

.

4

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3.

.

2

…….

…….

1

The door creaks open..

The pushing begins…

All are seen with a white card in their hands..

Their entrance ticket..

Push..

Ugggh

Oof

Aayey (kashmiri anguish cry)

I also try to get in..

Yes!!! Finally I am in!!

Keeping my footwear on the footwear of another person., I drag my feet inside the class finding boys wearing all sorts of things…After talking about 15 minutes discussing important issues, Bashir sir is seen entering the room…

Only the torso visible, the legs not seen due to the torsos of studnts..

Quack!! Quack!! Make way!

It appears as if a duck id swimming in the water..

Quack!!

Adjustment is done…

The boys are made to compress together…

“Hata paku ukun!!”

“Ou idhar 5 aadmey pohunchey gey..”

“peknaw yem pache ukun”

//Move away!!

// Hey you 5 humans can fit here

// move your hooves away

Start…

“Han to jesa ki aaf ne ( Yup it is aaf ne) kal padha tha…”

and thus he begins…

ooof..

all this stupidness has booored me…

here is(are) some typical Kashmiri proverbs…

(with a dash of sauce)

  1. En senz kolai khudayas hawale
    //A blind man’s wife is in God’s keeping
  2. Kokri henzi dige che ne pooit maran.
    //Chicken cant die from the blow of a hen.
  3. Reyi chu shabnam sehlaab.
    //An ant finds dew as flood.
  4. Gade maraan koli manz treshi hoch.
    //The fish die of thirst in the pond
  5. Oun kya zane pron bate.
    //What does a blind man know about quality rice?
  6. Gari ne way, nebre tie.
    //No food at home, yet in formals you roam.

That was Kashmiri ancestor made…

Now here’s some new mamoon made..

CHEMISTRY OF A WOMAN:

//The scientific analysis of a compound called woman..

Element: woman

Symbol: Wo

Discoverer: Adam

Mass: Most acceptable at 55 kg, known to vary widely from 35kg to 70kg .

Occurrence: Widely spread, appears in the most unexpected places, found in areas of habitation.

PROPERTIES:

  1. Boils at nothing and freezes without apparent reason..
  2. Melts upon special treatment.
  3. Dangerous if incorrectly used.
  4. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
  5. Has great affinity for gold and “Kahani ghar ghar ki”.
  6. Highly repulsive if in contact with another molecule.
  7. Ummm. That’s all I have.

At the end some thing in Kashmiri, remember it is more funnier in kashmiri.

For those who cannot understand this language I have sympathy…

“ Hello…Hello… hataz salaam haz kermuw..

ye kya sa boozum tse chuy marun…Han?

Brain Tumour in the intestines..?

Hai hai kyah goum..

Akh naseehat karai

Yethne taam hogaade, aanchar, muje-tsut, ya thool khekh…

Away pyoum telephone karun…

Sawaal chu ath dedis ma chu wen kanh yelaaj…

Yene dawaah khyekh zi doudey gasi khatam…

Pate ma pheri choun…

Acha garz aousum ne ye wanas…

Boz boz

Me prus akis peeras ( peeran che na sariy patah aasaan)

Me wonmus…

Hata yaare shothus ha zu gaz door aeseth kangri set nare tot khasaan chu...

Su woth oure Reshi phashi hina deth…

“ Allah tala chu raheem te kareem! emis dostas wan. ki dah saas te dah rupye Karen pagah shamas taen niyaz… beye satan kokren henz wante trawen ganten….

Beye karun kath qurban…

Beye…

Beye…

Hello…

Hello…

Besides I wanna show you the pictures inside eldin bleze, can SOMEBODY TEACH ME WITHOUT GETTING CAUGHT AND GETTING A GOOD VIEW..

comments

The Voice...

Pinta is amazed...
Fame gurukul..
Sa re ga ma pa...
Indian idol...

All sorts of super stars...

And..
One...
Really

Honestly

is from the State that we claim as ours...

The ones who shares a part of his name with me...

Qazi..

Qazi..

Ladies and Gentlemen..

Let me present the only singster from the valleeeyyy...

QAZI TOUQEER...

and i am your host Qazi Mamoooonnn...

.
.
.
.and so on and so forth...

Pinta wants to be a Qazi....

not the one who earlier was supposed to be a judge..

" jab miyaan biwi razi, to kya karega Qazi"

{cant translate it well enough...maybe if any one can comment}

And after lots of ours of Bathroom singing and shouting....
He is ready to sing before his friends...

A latest hit of Himesh...

Unfortunately...

Really unfortunately...

Pinta is no Himesh Reshamiya..

After three minutes of singing...

His friends.
.
....
.....
.......
.........
...........
Lauugh....

" A starved crow,, please anyone feed him..."

" What a voice,, makes me to go to sleep..."

" Help help!!! Fire alarm"

" Oh look at that poor poor beggar,, how he sings to get some money!!"

" aay meri meri zohra jabeen
furqat-e-gham bulagha..

Jum-e-raat raat hai aaja, saath saath nibhaja...

"



THE KASHMIRI IDOL:

Milay sur....

A kashmiri version of the programs listed above..
Only on DD Kashir..

and
and
and

Pinta has seen its advertisement...

so..

Once upon a time in a place called Tagore hall, a long line of people was to be seen..

And our Beloved Pinta was also seen..

The lady with the red burqa was also seen..

and so was our locality's sweeper.... { not localities }

There was the doodhwala..

And the roti wala..

the rouney wala...

the hasney wala...

the gusey wala..

the sharmila..

the furteela...

and last but growing like yeast..

was the partnership between Sachin and M.S.Dhoni..


The first auditions of Miley Sur And first stage appearence of Pinta....

And he sung...


" sakhiyow roothum haiiy ......... gasith byoothum haiiy gammniy..."

The judges smiled....

as of course they couldnt laugh...

That would be..

Izat ki Beizzati for PInta..


finally they encouraged him and let go for another chance in the next round..

But that was scheduled for next week..

The question is that will Pinta become a superstar....

Answer in the next edition of

Eldin Bleze

Next Week..

Same time...

So meet you then..

And dont forget the Photo essay of Jamia Masjid, Srinagar by Asma Yasrib..@ Yemberzal.org { or is it Yembarzal. org } comments

Time pass

Khudi ko kar buland itna ki har taqdeer se pehle...

Khuda Pintay se Khud poochay

Bata teri Raza kya hai...

PINTA:
hai yeh Kashmeeer
meri taqdeer banalega
entrance mein jab bethoun ga
koyi mto ho jo dikha dega"

PINKY:

arey bhayaa tu pagal hai
tu kya 11 pass karlega
itna uncha too mat soocha kar
aqal to teri kuch bhi nahin
mujhe dekh khud seekh lega

PINTA:

Hello

PINKY:

koun

PINTA:

mein boul raha houn

PINKY:

kamaal hai.. yahaan se bhi mein boul rahiy houn

PINTA:

mera 10th ka result nikal gaya..

PINKy:

acchaa,,, kya koyi position hai

PINTA:

han meri position bohut kharaab hai..
tu bata teri doctory kesi chal rahi hai

PINKY:

arey ka bataoun..

gajar our palaq ke scientific naam yaad karte karte mughe apna naam bhool gaya..

PINTA:

tu too pagal hai.... mein ne tere liye ek chheeez layi hai

PINKY:

achaaa kya???

PINTA:

mein ne zaina kadal se thodi si aqal kharidey
poorey pachas rupey ki

PINKY:

Merey phone mein bohutkam paise hain bye

PINTA:

Achaa beth phir GOOD NIGHT...


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JUST TIME PASS

MOVE OVER TO

www.yembarzal.com

" comments

www.yembarzal.org

Yembarzal.org is cool...
Try and catch up with Pinta there...

It is absolutely...

FREE comments

Finally

11th class...

finally......

no urdu....

finally....

no social science....

finally.....

tuitions for chemistry,
tuitions for physics ( of course )
tuition for zoology, ( pinta is a medical student)
tuition for botany (doctor saheb)
tuitions for math, (yeah can become engineer too if no doctor)

Oh dear!!!
Poor old pinta, first studying in the school then studying at the tuitions....all this studying must have really frustrated him...

But have a look at what he actually studies....

He studies life...... female life.....he studies surroundings..... yep which guys get to surround which girls....he studies wildlife....i.e how wild his life gets when a proposal is not accepted...and i can write lines and (some more) lines on what pinta studies....

Meanwhile the tension at his home grows with each passing day. On an average the matric results are declared on 15th of january and that surely was a month away when the authorities decided that january was too late and december was the right time....

so...

Shaharbeen ( city reporter ): Jammu and kashmir board of school education ne duswein jamaat ke imtihanaat ke nateyej ki tareekh kal yyaani 20 december ko rakhi hai kaha ja raha hai ki is saal phir se ladkiyoun ne ladkoun ko peche choud diya...

{a popular radio news bulletin: The J&K board of school education will declare the results of the annualy held matriculation exams tomorrow. It is being said that girls once again for the 10th consecutive year have left the boys behind on the basis of pass percentage}

yeah and what a pass percentage it is 11%. out of which girls contribute 83%.

what a progress...
and who are those people who say that females are good for nothing. they might reconsider their cases....

Baharhaal....{sorry to have strayed}

the atmosphere in pintas house is electric....
His father is trying all his contacts for a chance to know his jigars marks ( jigar = liver )

Is he standing first...

Is he atleast second...

maybe in the first five...

Ok no problem even the 20 will do...

ummm. Maybe first 50...

okay okay i am being too much asking...even a distinction...

excuse me is he pass at all....???

thankfully he is with a aggregate of 312 marks out of a mighty 500...

Pinta's father was shocked....

shocked....

"312 out of 500"

P's father: "hey kolal yem tsoor, &&$%*#@%@^, hey yem ha che ! @!##!^I%$ menis koar wanti keho chuck kormut.."

{oh those thieves, #%&^&#$#$^, they are %&)@*@$&@ see what they have done to my lambkin "


&$!#^!#%$W@$--------------> Bad words which cant be written...


But suddenly their phone is ringing itself mad....
All the Masis...{maternal aunts}......mamis{ yet another class of maternal aunts}
Phuphis{Paternal aunts}.........Chahchis { heres one another class of paternal aunts}
call in to hear which rank their beloved pinta has got.

Relatives::: "WHICH RANK????

Pintas house ::::::: "maybe the 876458643 th"

Relatives::::: " ad hathe hathe phir chuv mubarak....wen kar khyanewew asey"
{so what.... congratulations a million fold...now when is the treat}

Pintas house:::::::: " hatey kya weney sweety lalo.... yemen board walen peya kanger kalas"
{ oh what should i say....i wish that a fire pot must fall on their heads}

relatives: " hatey kyazi "

Pintas house:::::::: " Khabar kemis tawanzadas athey chukh pintun paper check karnowmut"
Wish i could know who was the examiner of pinta's paper

Relatives:::::: " acha beh khudayas hawala me khasey bill"
{ok then bye got to go my phone is getting used}


yep phone is getting used yeah and u brought it as a fashion statement....

i think got to go now bye...

next post will be the mubarak.... comments

Pinta's point of view

OH DEAR Ramadhan has started and poor old pinta has started praying…

Five times a day, one siparah ( Quranic chapter ) , No Tv and the most important of all:
He has gone under purdah……the fellow always wears a burqah while going out….

But the street dogs are not amused….they bark at him and chase him….however don’t blame the animals…..the creatures haven’t seen a burqah in recent times….they think it is a modern Iblees ( satan)….

The story does not end here….a police man caught hold of him and said:

“tu Bachoun ko churaty hai”  (you are a kidnapper)

But one couldn’t understand Pinta’s real motive…
After a lot of work by my detectives, the mystery unfolded….

In Lal Chowk a new shop had opened….
And as a fantastic opening offer, he presented free ice-creams to KHATOONS ( respected women)




Speaking of Lal- Chowk, it is worth to be seen in the holy month.
Specially the attitude of the bus conductors…
In times of trouble:
“Hai rozdari haz che, wen aestew te diwan pure kiraye”

( It is ramadhan, atleast give full fare in this month )

But the passengers ( or sawarye) don’t find it amusing… they in turn refuse to accept a passenger who is destined to stand.

“hya, kyoho goyi , rozdaran bechaaren te ankha sitam wen”

(hey you, are you mad, will you torture a poor fasting man)

While Pinta says
“ wosta , namaz ha gow tsceer”
(Driver, it is getting late for our namadh)

pinta has wasted the whole year and not read a single namadh and now there is no
mai-ka-lal ( son of the mother ) who can stop him….

Good for him…

Anyways it will only last upto eid and then he will be normal again…

And do you know what pinta prays for….here are some of his duas

“ ya allah agar mughe matric mein first position aayi to mein namazein paanch waqt padhna shuroo karunga”

(Oh Allah if I secure the first position in the matriculation exams then I will start praying five times a day)

****** khudayas thawi minath tem namaz pareth*******
( he will do a favour to Allah by praying to him)

But Allah doesn’t want that pinta should waste his time by praying too much, so when the result comes out he will be far far away from the namadhs.

So lets wait for the result now…. comments

Is it or is it not...

Finally the long awaited month is here…
Ramadhan

A really short period of 30 days ( 29 or 28 whatever the case ) in which a kashmiri after a whole year of cheating turns to Allah…

One particular Sunday afternoon, my family had their ears glued to the Radio…
They were waiting for the announcement that the moon had been sighted….
Radio Pakistan was on every radio set that had ever been purchased ( or stolen ) in the history of Kashmir…

It still puzzles me that how can an announcement which is valid for Pakistan, still be applicable for Kashmir…
After all they are two different parts of the earth differing in their latitudes and longitudes…

Some old wise people say that Kashmir was a part of Pakistan and that’s the reason why.
But according to the young lad whose BAKWAAS (rubbish) you are reading at the moment, Kashmir is a part of India and then why don’t we follow India.

The wise speak on this too and say that India is primarily a Hindu country and Pakistan a Muslim one, and thus we should follow our own people…

They also say that Pakistan is much more closer to kashmir than India is ( can ne 1 explain y???) and thus when they will see the moon, it will mean the same thing as we seeing the moon.

WELL if that’s the case we are close to china and that must imply they have seen the moon also with us…
Similarly China has Russia very close which surely must mean that they must also have seen the moon.
Likewise Russia is in close proximity to USa which, undoubtedly means that they must also have seen the moon…

And so forth using small areas as our guides we can prove that every area on the earth has sen the moon….

So don’t be surprised to hear this:

“In the past you must have kept a fast on an eid day when you still believed that the next day was eid just as the Pakistanis had it”


So next time don’t open ur radio sets but flock over to some open field and see the truth yourself… comments

INCOGNITO


i have talked a lot about pinta but heres my 10th class now...
And here am i...

This is real personal stuff so u mite get bored after reading this...

Do I know where to start my film script of all the funny and interesting incidents that I have witnessed in the school?
Well no,
I have lots of these, concerning teachers, principals, students and what not. So I have decided that I am going to write about the movies that could have been made here. And let me name my movie as “Incognito-I”.
Most of the stuff comes out directly from my Diary and some of the fiction came out right from my head.

Just few (hmmm my math has gone awry) months back or maybe a year back (all right!!)
I studied in one of the most respected class of the Kashmiri community i.e. 10th and boy do I remember it like anything.
I was expected to be a matric pass by the end of the year 2005. But I wanted to make a film maybe a horror movie, suspense, thriller, tragedy, action, romance, all such types could have been made. I decided to make an all in one film.

Starting with horror, will I ever forget those creaking footsteps of rather ma’am in the corridor which sent shivers down one’s spine.

“Yes, boys take out your books and those who don’t have one can hang themselves from the fan”,
“ Boys, I am angry, I have been telling you a million times that you boys should get your civics book today and those lucky people who don’t have one may beg, borrow or steal one, I don’t care.”
Maybe I should give rather ma’am the job of a dialogue writer in my film. Then even mughal-e-azam’s Darogaye zindan dialogue will have to bow its head. Or maybe, “legawo is bewakoof ladkey ko aur andheroun mein ghar kar do, ye apni home-work bhool gaya hai.” ( take this fool out of here and lock him up in the dungeons)

Well, this role giving may lead me to trouble when its time for the villain’s role to be handed out. Whom should I give it to. After a lot of thinking it came out to be the carnivorous Kambili sir. With his techniques and personality- I can easily assign a mogambo type character with him.

Do I know him or what. Had Newton still be living today, he would have learnt some more temperature scales other than Celsius, Fahrenheit, and Kelvin etc. like degree Mamoon, degree matoo and all the names of the students whom he wanted to immortalize in the field of science. He is a part of the gang of other male teachers who know how to laugh at absolutely anything. And I have decided to put a nice scene in my film , a scene of kambli sir with shakti kapoor and gulshan groover trying to feed all the back-benchers to the local cat. Poor old cat would desperately need a hajmola box after the feeding time.

Ok, so one scene of the film has the students returning from a picnic
to ( as usual ) Gulamarg . The bus has Durrani ma’am as one of the teachers who would be teaching the students the topography of the roads, “write, where are your rough copies?” . and What do we see upon reaching school? The mighty Titanic.
It had to go to Batmallo with the passengers. I went in as my destination lal chowk came in its way. I had to go to alka-salka. Titanic was too over-crowded and its conductor was shouting, “khas sa path path..” ( move back). Unfortunately the titanic hits a dog near Radio kashmir and starts to sink. Oh no! some how a dinosaur comes and saves all of us. Rest you can see in the film itself
Well this is one scene of 10 hrs film whose writer is me. (Multi function boy I am). It has many such scenes, the most interesting being the tragedy part where prince (the 60 ft deep well boy, remember) disagrees to study and wants to become a shoe-shine instead.
Now moving back to the cast, the action director’s job is assigned to Noor sir whose primary job it would be to create rows for people to stand in and mind you smaller boys in front. He will be also responsible for snacks and nun chai.

Rajni ma’am would be the film teams’ make up artist. She is excellent in making up excuses for the cast so I thought there is no one more suitable for the job.

The toughest thing for me (the director cum actor cum writer) was to assign a job to Roshan-ara ma’am. Finally after a lot of talking it was decided that she would be the producer, you know the job where one has to be perfect and be practiced enough to sign a lot of diaries ( oops I mean cheque).

The graphic designer would be qaiser sir and asrar sir with the computer staff who would definitely create a lot of problems to my monthly electric bill with the games that I expect them to play on the computer

Kawoosa sir who would be acting in a guest appearance ( as amitabh bachan is too costly, our producer said) with the heavy voice of his will definitely bring back old memories. He even will get a song filmed on him.

No film is complete without songs so my songs were written by our urdu teacher-Khurshid ma’am and they were beautiful to listen to. Sung especially by himesh reshamya, they are bound to make a huge impact.

In every 100 films there usually is one in which a politician is there. In my film, the politician is mr. taj. Once I was having a stomach-ache of the extreme type and I was advised by all of my class-mates to go to the ‘health room’. But that trip didn’t help my stomach very much as I was given a calcium tablet. Maybe sir wanted ‘to strengthen the churning bones which are located inside stomachs’

Thapar sir is the munim ji…..the accountant who easily remembers the answers (I mean loans) to the questions ( I mean people)

Last but not the least I want to mention khola ma’am who is the Madhubala of burn hall cinema. No one is the better prepared than her in terms of digital cameras for those rare occasions of life or be it some other emergencies. She is my films banker which can most easily give loans after few conditions are met. And till now when I am a proud director of a great comedy film, she has been my guide (not the dev-anand film).
Some trips to the garden, her way of teaching grammar, and her voice are some of the things that I (possibly) won’t forget.



Actually I forgot to mention the person who gave my film the most support, he is the person from the censor board and is the one who gave me most support, actually the support was from the cane in his hand. We all know him, our principal fr. Maria john. For the taj-mahal scene in my film, the shooting was done at his white office, which will even make the white house feel ashamed. Sometimes he was the cause of the intense thrill when on some rare occasion I used to bunk a class (dil ke armaan ansuwoun mein beh gaye) for the script writing of the film.
Hmmm so I think all roles for tenth class are complete so let me end with this saying:
“khudi ko kar buland itna ki har taqdeer se pehle
Khuda banday se khud poochay bata tery raza kya hai”

Well, this has no connection with films but don’t worry, this is how we end all of our speeches in burn hall so the custom had to live on.

I am extremely sorry if I have hurt some of you or forgotten to mention many of you but our producer says that we are going towards bankruptcy and to have more staff is not acceptable but we will be very happy if you advertise in our film. I suppose you must have enjoyed reading my script for the film, and I promise you some more in the future if the weather permits (now what has weather to do with it). Actually, I have to face a lot of firing after the teachers read this. And this was not meant for general public comments

Shikas lad (oh dear)

Kashmir..
A land of poets…
A valley of peace…(excuse me!!)
Etc…
Etc…
But above all Kashmir has shikas lads ( miserly people )
Which are unthankful…

But first an update…

Pinta has just given his matric and now has started offering 5 times namadhEldin bleze has not yet started as it teaches 11th guys when they are in the middle of their 11th i.e the 2nd term…

So for the time for which we wait for pinta’s result, let me state another not-so-interesting incident…

Prof. Mir “Bashir”( literally the one who makes mistakes ) has a particular abhorrence against the jadals( or the misers ) and the shikaslads ( or the intense misers )….
He time and again quotes one Bakshi Saheb ( oh dear he was the prime minister of free kashmir ) who had said:

shikas ladas lari shanguw till gase neri doud…”
( if we sleep next to a miser, we will only end up in giving pain to ourselves)

Speaking of misers, I know one…
He comes to eldin bleze from a far off place ( just about the same place from where I go there )
I have a car at my disposal…
And unfortunately that particular character has a strong affinity for reaching home free…
And still more unfortunately he knows me and I know him…
And really more unfortunately he keeps on hovering over me…
Just like a fly which has seen you having dinner….
Or more like yet another mosquito who keeps on haunting you when you are trying to catch 40 winks…

Ok
Enough of comparisions…
That miser: “Mamoon, ghar jana hai?”---- ( do you have to go home?)
Mamoon: “errr!!! Han” ---- ( errr!!! Yup )
That miser: “ me bhi aawoun?” ---- ( Should I come along ?)
Mamoon: (oof) “ accha” à( ok!! )

I agree because my mom has instructed me to be kind to people…
But I see no reason, whatsoever, that the people should take advantage of my kindness…

So I decided to take extreme measures…
I dropped him at a place far away from his home telling him:
“ OH sorry, hai! Aaj mujhe ghar nahin jaana tha, kya meney nahin kaha”
(Oh sorry!! I didn’t have to go home, didn’t I tell u that? )

Revenge
Revenge….
Then he was forced to spend some money as bus fare…
Actually he gets bus fare everyday from his father but he hoards them and has ( possibly) made a thousand bucks like that….

And do I hate him…

Bashir sir says “shikaslad guw shaikasladey, temis chu panas seth shikas, tel ma aasahay shikas lad”

(a miser is a miser, he has paucity with him, had it not been so then he wouldnt have remained a miser)

so long.... comments

part one

Part one:
Lights on:
Sound on:
Roll camera:
Action.
.
.
.
Poor old Pinta, all his friends are deserting him because his parents are not allowing him to take tuitions. They think he is too brilliant to go there lest the teacher might learn something from our Pinta. His father, a doctor, whose case study will surely comeup in the future thinks that his son is a child prodigy. “nechuw chum Einstein”---
(i.e my child is Einstein)


Maybe.

But surely not.

Einstein lived long long before and cannot possibly be dr. sahib’s ( respected doctor’s) son.

Pinta studies in form 10.
Subjects:
English
Math
Science
Social Science
Urdu

He wants tuition
For three subjects viz. Math, Science, And Social science…
For Studying
For Passing 10 th class
For a chance to meet some girls (who themselves have somehow convinced their ( or there) parents that tuition is actually a good thing)

The math tuition is ok…all cooperate to solve problems…
Urdu (a real classic Indian language) means the discussion of love poems (Ghazal) which really warms up the place…
Science creates the most problems….

Biology + Co-Ed + ***** = Quite a lovely disturbing atmosphere

Somehow pinta ( our main actor ) shows to his parents that he is a real competitor capable of securing the First position in the finals by studying at the tuitions.
So to help Pinta, His parents get him cable tv.
They want there (or their) son to watch discovery channel and get a real sharp mind (but Pinta has other plans )

The year passes by and the exams approach real quickly, tuitions finished…
Now it is back to the “studying at home” attitude..
Somehow the poor old lad crams everything up and gives his matric ( 10 class )
Exams..

That surely was a sentimental exam…

All types of mothers waiting for all types of sons and daughters outside all types of exam centres…
For whole 3 hours…
Waiting
Waiting
Waiting for their chashmo-chirag (glitter of the eye) to come out and proudly announce that,

“ mummy, paperas kud me duh”—(ie I made smoke out of the question paper)

MA: “ Lagya balai, jigra. Thokmut ha asak. Wal be tuly bag”—(Oh My Darling, You must be so Tired, come let me carry your bag)
PINTA: “me ha asan hatuw manz hath” ---- ( I will have 100 out of 100)
MA: “zoruy wanu, yem baqi faqir maje te ha gasan bozne ki moun gobure kya chu” --- (speak loudly, let these good-for-nothing mothers also hear you)


Everyday some new story and finally the last day of the exam…

Freedom for Pinta
Pinta
PInta reaches home

Pinta writes a letter which he wants to show to his father..

“hi pa,

I really know you r expecting something from me
But I cant help it if I fail

I have had no time to study…

There were only 365 days in the year..

Saturdays: there are 52 Saturdays in a year ( rest dayz)
We are now left with 313 dayz
Winter holidayz: it was so cold 60 days this year that I couldn’t study…
We have 253 days now
Eight hours I slept that equals 122 days
Oh dear 131 days remaining
One hour playing each day
15 days in total …116 left
Two hours for meals per day
86 days remain
One hour at tuitions every day
71 dayz left
21 days we attend exams
50 days
Marriages, phirsaals, setum duh (kashmiri culture) and Sundays=30 days
20 left
I was ill 5 days
15
Saw some movies and discovery channel (remember)
5 days
Two eids in a year
3 days
Remember we went to pahalgam for the weekend
0 dayz

Now pa where is the time to study” comments

part one

comments

JUst An InTRo

MAMOON: “Comedy, Must read it”

“I had a friend who was mine, whom I liked I thought he was fine….
It was my thought, he liked my ways…..
In my absence he hated the days….
He behaved such as if my own…
Up till then kindness he had shown…
I could not bear something wrong….
About my friend to me who belonged….
At last I realized that it was true….
That he did not love me as I do……”

Actually this stuff here is not based upon love, or for that matter betrayal…
This is just one of my own writings which after writing, wrote themselves permanently in my mind.

Me am Qazi Mamoon, Me studies in the form 11 (sometimes called as A level for some fools who don’t understand)…
me live s here Me no doctor…Me will buy a cart and me will go to all places of the world selling peanuts…because me thinks selling peanuts is the simpler job to reach than to become an engineer or a doctor …..but me loves the cold cold air that they enjoy in their offices (of the AC’s)….so me thought to become someone who sweeps their offices….(ain’t I humble, down to earth person for possessing such thoughts)
Now back to the normal mode of communicating:-


I study chemistry at Eldin Bleze….(whatever that meant). Nicely situated at
The hub of Srinagar city (want a more complete address, no problem…here we go


Karan nagar,
Srinagar,
J&K,
India,
South Asia,
Asia,
The East,
The Earth,
Inner planets,
Solar system,
Milky way,
Local Group,
Local cluster,
Great Attraction,
The universe,
A door to another universe (black hole!!! That’s my theory, you step into one and off you go…)
The other universe with a yet another black hole
And so on…

Now back home (whose theory I have yet to give) things are simpler.
Take my life as an example…
1. I wake up at (mostly) 5.00 in the morning….(I find waking up at night too insulting..)
2. Go to fyzix tuition (that’s my spelling of physics, you must get accustomed to my way of writing)
3. Reach School…My own school and not some girl school…(though I do really wish that)
4. School finishes (actually can finish at any time I decide to wake up the, so called, sleeping volcano that overlooks the school).
5. I reach home by a very beautiful phenomena called bus……not the buse sekolah (school bus in malay) but a property of the state transport..
6. Back home, freshen up, ( I mean I go upstairs and then comfort myself)
7. After making sure no one will see me in the bathroom, I head for the place where I spend another half an hour of my life (doing what????)
8. Then at last I head out for the ELDIN BLEZE:…
To study chemistry…
To laugh madly…
To get moral virtues…
And to get a lot of sweat out from my body…


This is the place
ELdin BLeze

These are the dayz
Read them please….

Mr. Mir Bashir (or Mr. Bashir Mir, whatever the case maybe)
Teaches us unteachables..

And what a master he is in teaching the subject….
He has his own story line, main characters like pinta and pinky (these form comedy nicknames in our Kashmiri culture), supporting cast , villains , action et al.

Pinta is a typical Kashmiri boy who studies in our class (A or 11)
The poor fellow does not study but tries to show that he studies well but if we closely study him, we will study that this so called studying boy does not study at all.
(got it?? If not, its time for you to study English)

And for studying English, you must concentrate, and if you cant, here are some tips…


>> Get a dedicated space, chair, table, lighting and environment>> Avoid your cellphone or telephone>> Put up a sign to avoid being disturbed or interrupted
>> Change the subject you study every one to two hours for variety
>> Do something different from what you've been doing (e.g., walk around if you've been sitting), and in a different area…

And finally use hypnotism if none of the above works..
Try this
And concentrate here..
http://freefreebies.denmark.com/spell.htm

OK try and concentrate on this… its a constant called pie…

3.14159 26535 89793 23846 26433 83279 50288 41971 69399 37510 58209 74944 59230 78164 06286 20899 86280 34825 34211 70679 82148 08651 32823 ...

As a knew you were too curious to skip it and see what was next.,..
Don’t worry I never expect anyone to “OBEY MY COMMANDS”….
And I also happen to know the nature of the human mind

See you later… comments